new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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