Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
as a side note pls kill me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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