If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
