Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
They have beer where we have blood.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
