Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
