The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
