1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
