Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize