i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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