I seem to have left my pride at pride
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
