i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
