I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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