so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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