the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
