So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
