Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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