If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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