So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
