You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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