everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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