i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
