im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
