idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
