i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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