if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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