I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
