he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
