Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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