I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
