dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
