he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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