Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
