I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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