At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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