I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you will always have a special place in my vag
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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