I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
