i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
