he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
