If i come over, it means nothing
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
