so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
