and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
