Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize