I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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