I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
