I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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