I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
