Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
