Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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