my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
