kristin has been a bad kristin
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Someone came in the potted fern
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize