How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
