she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
