The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She even gives head with a lisp.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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