I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize