is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
