i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize