jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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