sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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