How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize