Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
