The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
