i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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