i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
