I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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