My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
