I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize