i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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