Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
false alarm, still single
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
