I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
